Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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