South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
