why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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