Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
