fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
