Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
