she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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