its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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