margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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