As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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