i need an iv and a liver transplant
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
