so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
