oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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