I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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