my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
