if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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