i just wanna soil my oats bro
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
