so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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