woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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