I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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