Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
