You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
