his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
it's like heaven, but drunker
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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