We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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