you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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