tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
