then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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