I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
