If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
