Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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