I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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