Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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