we need to drink 2009 down the drain
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
