apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
