she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
