Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
