Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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