Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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