we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Princesses don't give blow jobs
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
