are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
