I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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