So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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