it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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