My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
