I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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