I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
