so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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