Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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