I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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