I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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