I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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