If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
