My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize