Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My hand turned me down
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
