Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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