Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
