Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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