Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
