Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
