i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
