I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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