so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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