just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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