I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
