WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
