just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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