Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Randomize
