4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
