My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
