He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
