Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
